So This Is What 800% Humidity Feels Like

It’s so fucking hot in Florida that when we crossed the board from Georgia on I-75 S this afternoon I thought for sure that Lucifer would be the tollbooth attendant!

After living most of my life in the Midwest, specifically Chicago, I thought I had learned how to handle many different types of weather. Chicago weather is often erratic and extremely difficult to predict. On May 4th it might be 80 degrees, beautiful and sunny, and then the next freakin’ day on May 5th it snows. I am completely serious when I say, “Chicago weather is all fucked up.”

Since living in Chicago has exposed me to all different types of weather it made sense in my head that I would be able to adapt and be prepared for weather differences when visiting or moving to other parts of the country.

When I moved to Silver City, New Mexico the weather was very mild, the humidity was always in the single digits and the heat was dry. This was very easy weather to live in, and on top of the relaxed days the temperature cooled off nicely at night since we were surrounded by desert, creating an exceedingly pleasant sleeping experience.

The only problem with Silver City was that it’s located in the mountains at around 5,800 feet. Even though I had never lived anywhere even close to a mile above sea level I figured that since I worked out regularly and was in good shape that my body would quickly adjust. Unfortunately I was wrong, and I seemed to be constantly out of breath just from simply walking and chewing gum the same time.

When I moved from Silver City to Hanover, New Hampshire I knew that I was going to suffer during the winter months in a way I hadn’t the previous two-years. Since Hanover is farther north than Chicago I knew there was going to be a substantial amount of snow to deal with, but I figured since we get a few strong snows storms each winter that I wouldn’t have a problem adjusting to the excess.

While I was able to acclimate myself to the cold, I wasn’t prepared for the almost humorous amount of snow we received. My car didn’t have 4-wheel drive and I didn’t own a real hardcore pair of boots. Needless to say I immediately ordered reinforced North Face super-boots off the Internet, and driving to work was a tenuous experience during the winter months.

Even though I was wrong about my ability to deal with the elevation of Silver City and the wintry conditions of Hanover I was very confident while preparing to move to Fort Myers, Florida that I would be fine dealing with the heat and accompanying humidity. I figured it was going to feel like Chicago weather in August, except year-round. Humidity, no problem, I’ve suffered through plenty of days where I worked up a strong sweat just by sitting still and lived to tell about it.

However, after stepping out of the car this afternoon in Fort Myers I was instantaneously met with discomfort. It’s October 10th and the temperature in the Fort Myers-Cape Coral metro area was in the high 80's with humidity levels that pushed the temp to feel like the mid 90's.

Needless to say it was disgusting. As a man who loves wearing Henley’s, I immediately knew I was screwed. As I took a few steps toward the hotel I began to feel like I was choking on the dense air. I swear to you that I could see the heat around me. It literally felt like the humidity was laying on me after only a few minutes outside.

So, I suppose my different theories about how I would be able to adjust to my new climate are zero for three. Whether it’s adjusting to life at 5,800 feet above sea level, or the hot and cold disparity of Hanover and Fort Myers, my previous experiences dealing with erratic weather conditions in Chicago hasn’t properly prepared me all other environments.

Even though I was a little uncomfortable walking around campus today in the humidity and heat I’m sure I’ll soon learn to deal with it. I guess when it comes right down to it I’d rather live in a place that’s exceedingly muggy like Fort Myers than one that’s ridiculous frigid like Hanover.

Plus, call me crazy, but I have a feeling that my friends and family will be much more excited about visiting me this winter knowing that they can pack for the beach and not a fucking blizzard.