Clothing Makes The Man But Mirrors Make The Narcissist

If you don’t love yourself then who will?

Personally, I love me some me.

However, I realize that some people are more ego-driven than others. I also understand that not all people choose to embrace their egos and feed it three-square meals a day as I do.

I am definitely someone who is fully aware that they have an ego and how to inflate it. A large part of my ego stems from the pride I take in my physique, both my muscular appearance and level of physical strength.

I show off this side of my personality through a variety of narcissistic actions such as a) wearing tight shirts, b) constantly putting my hand on my chest to attract attention, c) randomly flexing as though it was a natural movement and d) attempting to carry 14 grocery bags into the house during one trip to show off my strength.

It used to drive Barbara absolutely crazy when we’d be walking down the street past a string of store, and she’d catch me checking out my biceps in the window reflections while she was talking. I understood why this would annoy her but I mean what did she really expect? Can I help the fact that I have nice arms?

I mean her getting mad at me for checking myself out would be like becoming angry with an intelligent person because they used too many big words during the course of a casual conversation. Or, it would be like imploring a wealthy person not to drive their Porsche 911 Turbo so fast on an expressway in rural Montana. You may not like it but you gotta accept it.

Everyone is guilty of feeding his or her ego in some fashion, and honestly I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to. It’s usually just a harmless self-indulgent action that isn’t really detrimental to others, so why not pump yourself up when you get the chance?

In fact, I would love to have a job where I helped people realize and admit they have an ego and how to feed it. If you ask me the world would be a much more self-confident place if everyone received this service.

Hmm… Hypothetically speaking, I wonder what my approach to such a job would be?

Let’s see, I could try to outwit my clients into admitting their ego driven, but I don’t think I’m smart enough to get that to work on most people. Maybe I could invite them on a tropical vacation where they could relax away their cares and let the truth about their ego just flow out natural? Nah, that wouldn’t work because I don’t have the money to pay for anything like that. Okay, well how about I try to seduce them and then in a moment of passion they might divulge their hidden ego secrets. That option sounds good on paper but I’m not that much of an egomaniac to believe that I’m good looking or charming enough to pull something like that off.

No, none of those options would work for me. I have to come up with something that better fits within my strengths and personal ego.

Wait, now I’ve got it! I know how I could get people to admit and embrace their egos…

I’ll just have to beat it out of them.

How did I not think of that obvious answer sooner? I mean it ties in perfectly with the main driving force behind my own ego!

Oh, yeah, right, I guess then I have to admit that this whole time I’ve been kind of distracted looking at the way my arm flexes while I type.

Actually, now that I really think about it, does anyone have the number for “Ego Maniacs Anonymous?” I think I may need help…